Shot story

Chicago, Illinois (AP) -Local contractors carrying out renovations at North River Manor claimed to have found the last unfinished work of the famed Stanley Cooper.
An excerpt follows

“Like all great travelers, I have seen more than I can remember, I can also remember more than I have seen. Out here I like to think there’s a beautiful secret to everything I have loved and loathed. At one with the universe, there’s little to hide from .Once the world sees what I’ve discovered, maybe then I can live a little easier. Although no one yet believes me when I tell them of this wonderful light that speaks to me across rivers of cold silence. I tell them about the revelations I’ve made on my myriad journeys, but it’s like talking through walls of glass. If only they’d understand. I must admit, this last expedition has taken its toll on me. Much like the ones before it. If ever I make it through this insanity in the jungle, I swear to God, there’ll be no more
No more
When all of my local guides finally deserted me, I was left to fend for myself. Not much of a fight that was. Considering my last meal was more of a memory than any form of nourishment now. I finally gained consciousness what seemed like days later. I found they had dumped us in this small cramped room, without remorse, punishing me for sins I think I’ve committed. There was just me and her. She seemed calm. Or at least that’s what I told her to believe. I tried telling her we would get through this. If only I could believe that tripe myself. She would try to dig us out of that hellhole. It made me laugh. The fact of impending doom persistently whispered defeat in my head. Why didn’t I try and get out of there? Maybe I was too weak. Maybe I had nothing to go back to. Or no one rather. Now that the love of my life was lying lifeless beside me. They wouldn’t do anything to help her. I feared the knives that slashed her side may have seriously damaged vital internal organs. I couldn’t make out from the outside. I felt she must have been in a lot of pain. They wouldn’t do anything at all. I had to kill her myself to put us both out of this misery. Sometimes it’s easier to take charge yourself, than wait for the inevitable
The inevitable
Eventually madness descended, or was it wisdom? Either way things seemed spiraling beyond my control. My faint beads of hope were long gone. The only things on my mind now were the wasted gardens of my youth and the aching painlessness of time. My discovery was a sham. These years spent in pursuit. Futile. Everything I’d gained and lost, everything I fought for and threw away, a waste of time.
A waste of time
Until
I decided to make my escape with a long piece of rope and the vantage point of a grilled window.
As simple as that
A piece of rope and a grilled window
To freedom “

Upon investigation, Police concluded this was the elusive suicide note that held the answer to the demise of Cooper over 4 years ago, following his diagnosis with schizophrenia. The discovery of this document also substantiates the homicide of Mrs Emilia cooper who was found with 17 stab wounds.

Do I not really care ?

Not that its even close to worthy of a mention in my blog but nonetheless, Id like to make a mention of some really nasty misadventures and how , surprisingly ,I found I could take away something useful from it.

I don't know about you , but I found I can convince myself of absolutely ANYTHING .From imposing on myself that Im thoroughy useless at anything and everything I try , also after much frustration and failure , that I need to be capable of pretty much anything. ( If you own a 'low-self-esteem-0-meter' , it should register some mild response about now).

From the archives of experiences I have in wanting to deny myself any sort of human conversation, locomotive functions, electronic appliance, overcast weather, breakfast nutrition, color combinations and bad restaurant food for the sole reason that I'd FAIL in some aspect of my share of interaction with the abovementioned product/service , its more than obvious that my argument's sprung a leak.


Suppose I chose to disregard this sensation of disappointment outright ? suppose I chose to ignore any affiliation with any synonym of failure ? suppose I stick to mundane cliches and say I dont know the meaning of the word ?
Ah ! we would then arrive at INDIFFERENCE , and what a disambiguated mess this put me into.