Shot story

Chicago, Illinois (AP) -Local contractors carrying out renovations at North River Manor claimed to have found the last unfinished work of the famed Stanley Cooper.
An excerpt follows

“Like all great travelers, I have seen more than I can remember, I can also remember more than I have seen. Out here I like to think there’s a beautiful secret to everything I have loved and loathed. At one with the universe, there’s little to hide from .Once the world sees what I’ve discovered, maybe then I can live a little easier. Although no one yet believes me when I tell them of this wonderful light that speaks to me across rivers of cold silence. I tell them about the revelations I’ve made on my myriad journeys, but it’s like talking through walls of glass. If only they’d understand. I must admit, this last expedition has taken its toll on me. Much like the ones before it. If ever I make it through this insanity in the jungle, I swear to God, there’ll be no more
No more
When all of my local guides finally deserted me, I was left to fend for myself. Not much of a fight that was. Considering my last meal was more of a memory than any form of nourishment now. I finally gained consciousness what seemed like days later. I found they had dumped us in this small cramped room, without remorse, punishing me for sins I think I’ve committed. There was just me and her. She seemed calm. Or at least that’s what I told her to believe. I tried telling her we would get through this. If only I could believe that tripe myself. She would try to dig us out of that hellhole. It made me laugh. The fact of impending doom persistently whispered defeat in my head. Why didn’t I try and get out of there? Maybe I was too weak. Maybe I had nothing to go back to. Or no one rather. Now that the love of my life was lying lifeless beside me. They wouldn’t do anything to help her. I feared the knives that slashed her side may have seriously damaged vital internal organs. I couldn’t make out from the outside. I felt she must have been in a lot of pain. They wouldn’t do anything at all. I had to kill her myself to put us both out of this misery. Sometimes it’s easier to take charge yourself, than wait for the inevitable
The inevitable
Eventually madness descended, or was it wisdom? Either way things seemed spiraling beyond my control. My faint beads of hope were long gone. The only things on my mind now were the wasted gardens of my youth and the aching painlessness of time. My discovery was a sham. These years spent in pursuit. Futile. Everything I’d gained and lost, everything I fought for and threw away, a waste of time.
A waste of time
Until
I decided to make my escape with a long piece of rope and the vantage point of a grilled window.
As simple as that
A piece of rope and a grilled window
To freedom “

Upon investigation, Police concluded this was the elusive suicide note that held the answer to the demise of Cooper over 4 years ago, following his diagnosis with schizophrenia. The discovery of this document also substantiates the homicide of Mrs Emilia cooper who was found with 17 stab wounds.

Do I not really care ?

Not that its even close to worthy of a mention in my blog but nonetheless, Id like to make a mention of some really nasty misadventures and how , surprisingly ,I found I could take away something useful from it.

I don't know about you , but I found I can convince myself of absolutely ANYTHING .From imposing on myself that Im thoroughy useless at anything and everything I try , also after much frustration and failure , that I need to be capable of pretty much anything. ( If you own a 'low-self-esteem-0-meter' , it should register some mild response about now).

From the archives of experiences I have in wanting to deny myself any sort of human conversation, locomotive functions, electronic appliance, overcast weather, breakfast nutrition, color combinations and bad restaurant food for the sole reason that I'd FAIL in some aspect of my share of interaction with the abovementioned product/service , its more than obvious that my argument's sprung a leak.


Suppose I chose to disregard this sensation of disappointment outright ? suppose I chose to ignore any affiliation with any synonym of failure ? suppose I stick to mundane cliches and say I dont know the meaning of the word ?
Ah ! we would then arrive at INDIFFERENCE , and what a disambiguated mess this put me into.

Another day ,another inch

Growing up is so strange , On the threshold of permanent adulthood and yet I feel so wronged , condemned ,though mortified at what I can only expect from here on.

Sounds like something Id say to myself after my 4th standard annual exams.
or maybe its what I also thought after my 4th sem exam papers (again !)

Paradoxically , this continual floating of sequential causes and effects , and dreams and disappointments , and work and wisdom , and vacuums and visions , and time and terror seems only to bring my observance right back to infancy .

How good or bad this is , Im not so sure . It sort of maintains this wide eyed wonder everytime I finish another leg of the human marathon . It also reaffirms how pointless and sadistic real world mechanisms are. Why so again , Im not sure.

Or so Id like to say

So what if I stopped growing up ? or rather , stopped 'feeling' like I was growing up ? or like I had yet to ? I could then maintain this constance of infinite periodicity.I could then watch the world as it would fluidly seem to render in growing disinterest as I stood neatly in the centre of personal perfection. I could then stay the way I am in belief of the completion of state.

I dont know about you , but that would potentially destroy me.

Im pathetic i know , but at least better off than schwarzenegger's vowels

Whats in a hesaru ?

http://bangaloreblues.wordpress.com/2007/07/03/band-names-in-kannada/


A 15 min well worth read lol !

tick doff tick doff

Anger is a funny thing
I am temporarily rendered discoloured
Why should the clarity of unmasked events cause this handicap ?
The focus of all sourness past , illuminates your forgivable actions
Anger is not a funny thing now

Anger is a strange thing
I am devoid of simple prudent delivery
Right differs from wrong in no tangible sense
I act as I see fit ; unfit to act ?
Anger is not very strange after all

Anger is a complex thing
Why should I want retribution for sawdust ?
Why is it subjective to interactive secrets?
Why is it actively provoking dissatisfaction ?
Why is anger so simple in the end ?

Crews control

In light of the purchase of a new Tata safari DICOR, it was unanimously agreed to that a road trip was in order, and so after ritually tanking up on a cold bonda, We left mangalore at close to 4:30 PM , hoping to reach sunset point at agumbe hopefully by ..umm.. sunset .
Now apalled as I was with Preethams extraordinary collection of Dr alban , Vengaboyz , and every degree of hindi remix between familiarly annoying to hara kiri prompting free-for-all , I decided to pack a cd with some good reggae and blues traveler. Best decision made yet.
So there we were , drowning in amazingly luxurious climate-controlled interiors ,a pack of sonte and/or bannana/potato chips within arms reach , and enough buttons to satisfy every ludicrous whim possible.
Good thing I managed some decent photos after the deviation to hebri off NH17.Then the weather decided it'd make the trip a little wet for us , if you know what I mean.
Hebri slowed us down , as Kennys superior nostrillic senses was honing in on some bread omlette. But it wasnt long before we decided to give the sunset another shot , logically deducing the 20 kms we needed to cover would be faster than the suns remaining 11 cms of descent. We were honestly surprised when we found we were wrong. Maybe it was the complete absence of light ,a charateristic feature of power outage at remote locations, or maybe it was the semi hurricane raging outside but I just couldnt figure out the location to this legendary Podi shop Rajath recommended to me. So anyway , after a pitstop for offloading some extra uric acid. We carried on to Sringeri in search of nourishment. Or something to that effect . After much discussion Aaron convinced us this little 'family' restaurant was just what we needed ,with bamboo interiors apparently. Turned out to be horizontally placed low grade tiles . Food was surprisingly good and 6 pieces of kabab for 30 rs was something we thought it best not to pass up on.Some casual dinner conversation and some wonderful kitchen photos later , we left for karkal. The drive through Kudremukh national park was probably THE highlight of the trip.At sharp 12 we conveniently found a little place open and decided to celebrate Kennys bday there with some pathetic excuse for tea and Fruitnik(bodithanda?).Some senti-menti over a brand new J100 later we ploughed on to reach Karkal - Padubidri and then thought a trip is not a trip without some sand in the car . Enter Kapu beach, and also kababs parcelled taste better under the moon with some gravel between your teeth as you try and fool some ingenius local dog family. Trust me.
One mandatory stop at Bittu da dhaba for a lassi and we tried to get some semblance of rest before it was time to pick up Aarons long lost barbeque kit from haleangadi.
Now as part of our small series of experience based insight on general goof up avoiding tips, Please do not leave any form of metal-based personal belongings in a beach house, 20 metres from the sea for longer than a day. You're lucky if its not completely ground into rust . With this new wisdom , we drove back to reach home comfortably round 7 am.
Great ! , I can make it in time for machine shop lab !

Hatetd

Make a mention of human disgrace , and let me tell you theres
nothing quite so defeating , so frustrating , so terribly demolishing ,
so mortally wounding , so suicide sanctioning ,so self esteem depriving,so simply annihilating ...

as attempting an ATD paper you suddenly realize you blank out on , 4 seconds
into the exam.....

At tension

Coming to my first actual post really , Lemme tell you why I decided to start writing a blog , maybe it was because I wanted some creative medium , maybe because I wanted to keep any latent anger/emotion in check , or maybe it sounds really cool when you tell someone to ' hey ! make sure you visit my blog' or how about the industry standard 'i-like-to-write-my-thoughts-so-the-world-can-read-it'?

bleep-you

The Human Condition

The stern KGB agent pounded on the door, “Does comrade kapolsky live here ?” “ No he doesn’t ” came the reply . Confused , the agent left only to return an hour later. “Open up Kapolsky , I know you live here !”, “ No he doesn’t “, “ then whos that inside ?” asked the agent. “Im Kapolsky” was the reply. “ Then why didn’t you answer me when I asked if you live here ?”, “ You call this living ? ? “.
Jokes aside , lets move on now. If I were to ask you, “ Are you alive ?“, Id expect raised brows and a yes that couldn’t hold enough sarcasm in it. Fair enough , can you explain how you arrived at that conclusion ?.Do you think your ‘ life’ in question, in reality meets necessary criterion ? Or should I have said your ‘existence’ ?
Existence is obligatory .Preservation of life is a basic primal instinct. Only your need to prolong existence is at stake. What purpose do your lungs serve other than your selfish need to breathe ?. Every action you have undertaken in your entire course of life was based on some selfish motive to further your own capacity to exist under changing environment. Adaptability is natures defence mechanism. Not even being human is a requisite for this exercise. A day spent in barely surviving through it is ludicrous. This fear of death does not imply love of life. A passive resistive existence is a parody of all that the human can discover. Rather , a crime.
Which brings me to our next question . “Are you aware ?”. Of what ? you ask . Of your self, your mind , your thoughts , your actions , your environment , your capacity , and your freedom to choose any of these. If you truly are aware , you’l know life is limitless to the extent of your own sanctioning, and in this frontier you have absolute freedom. Though freedom is not about weighing a choice or executing a decision. Freedom is being able to want to choose to make that particular decision.
Or leaving it at that.
The difference is simple .Your freedom to choose decides what exists and your awareness decides how you perceive that which exists. Resulting in what is commonly termed ‘Reality’. Which is basically yours to manipulate or claim victim to or alter with perspectives , and for good reason too . If your faculty of consciousness wasn’t functional to the capacity of defining a motive to elevate basic existence, id be talking to a single celled micro-organism with no brain.
So there we have it , this game of tendancy towards complexity is driven purely by active desire. A choice made to further motion. A desire to be , is a desire to live. Life is what it is because we desire it so. Desire makes us human. How can you keep living your meagre life, unless you actually wanted to ? Its just a matter of choice. Fate plays no role here. You can choose to live life on your terms , only if you so desire. Suppose I say you’re fated to either becoming a millionaire , or end up in jail , you still have a choice in it, if you so desire. You can make your own life miserable , if you sadistically so desire. Desire brings out the best , in will , in action , and character. Theres no shame in it , desiring to be moral , is desiring to be alive. Ceasing which , one is no longer human.
So if you were under the impression that desire is fleeting, immoral, temporal or even evil, first think how selfish you are in even being alive , and now realise how great a gift it truly is.

Come hence

Things to do today
#4 Go home
#17 Twiddle thumbs while on easy chair
#36 Start writing a blog
CHECK !